All school shootings are heartbreaking. The one at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School hits close to home. I grew up in the town neighboring Parkland. I have seen many of my friends from high school express similar sentiments: Douglas was our “rival” high school, but we all got to know each other in middle school and were friends. We hurt for our friends. Most of us still have connections with the area. Our family and friends live there. We can vividly picture the details revealed in the news because we’ve been in those locations. Most of us remember being there without fear that a mass shooting like this could ever occur.

For parents who lost their children in the shooting, this must be an absolute gut-wrenching nightmare. I hear my parent friends saying that they worry about mass shootings when they send their kids off to school. The things that they used to tell themselves to reduce their worry (e.g., we live in a safe town, the school prepares with active shooter drills, the school has security in place, armed resource officers are on campus) start to lose their power when a mass shooting like the one at Douglas happens. The fact that school shootings are statistically rare in an individual risk sense provides little comfort to concerned parents. All children deserve to go to school in safe places, and parents shouldn’t feel like they’re putting their kids in harm’s way simply by sending them to get an education.

For the family, friends, and people directly affected by gun violence of all kinds…no words suffice. I have nothing but compassion, sympathy, and motivation to do my part to address this painful problem. The loss of a child is unfathomable, and I send nothing but love your way. I will conclude with two suggestions for coping, in case they’re helpful to anyone.

Connect

In the face of painful emotions, it can be tempting to withdraw and isolate oneself…to avoid processing or thinking about hurtful realities. While taking time to oneself and breaks from tragic news are components of healthy coping, it’s important to balance that out with taking time to connect with others about your feelings. Interpersonal connections are crucial to good mental and physical health. Communicating with others during stressful times helps to remind us that we’re not alone in our experiences, that we have people who we can depend on, and that there are many kind people out in the world. The American Psychological Association’s press release provides additional resources for coping in the face of this tragedy.

Contribute

This Twitter thread spoke to me. It says that we must act in the face of tragedy 1) to reduce the number of people who are victims in the future and 2) to show our children that we care enough to keep trying. When we take action, it can provide hope in times of despair – for ourselves and for others. Over 10,000 people have already joined a Mobilizing Marjory Stoneman Douglas Facebook group. Over 100 mental health professionals in Florida have said they’re willing to donate time to provide therapy for Douglas students and their families. There is a benefit concert being organized to help victims’ families. There is a fund to help Marjory Stoneman Douglas victims. Students and teachers who survived are courageously speaking out, organizing groups, and planning rallies and marches. People are pulling together to contribute what they can with their diverse resources and talents.

Let’s remember these students and staff and find ways to honor them. Let’s lean on each other for support in the wake of this tragedy.